Here I am as the game opens, smashing away at a dead cow to pile up the dinners, as I religiously and mechanically follow the build order so I can get to the feudal age first and outgrow my opponent. It always, always ends in a bloody, early struggle for one of those chokepoints, but I was determined to come out on top.

The map we were assigned was black forest - a map mostly covered in wood, with several chokepoints connecting each player's territory. My enemy (red) was the Britons, who get better archers, shootier towers, and more efficient food-gathering from herd animals. I (blue) had elected to play as the Ethiopians, because their archers fire faster, their siege engines shoot bigger, and they get bonus resources when they go up an age, which would help me afford age advances quicker. And last night, after a few weeks of practising on non-frightening computers, I finally worked up the nerve to embark on my first, ranked, 1v1 game. I resolved, for the first time in my life, to become Good at a game. But after a bit of mucking around with the game's Art Of War trainer, which teaches you to do this stuff against AI opponents, I suddenly saw not just the appeal, but also how quickly I could pick it all up. This had always seemed joyless and uncreative - like it robbed the game of any whimsy or fun. You also need to memorise a lot of hotkeys, and practise unit micromanagement. I'd always known that to win in a competitive 1v1, there's a strict build order that you must adhere to, with rigid timings, if you're going to stand a fighting chance.

To grow your willy, you have to build up a resource-gathering infrastructure, not just to build troops with, but to afford progression into four increasingly expensive 'ages' (dark, feudal, castle and imperial), which each offer better upgrades. If you're not familiar, AoE2 is a fast-ish strategy game where you become a medieval king and beast your foes with the metaphorical willy that is your army. Plus, I panic! I get disproportionately terrified by the idea of being locked in a map with someone who wants, essentially, to end my pretty game of ant-farming, and so the idea has always seemed too stressful to bother with.īut then, after I fell in love with Age Of Empires 2: Definitive Edition in November, I started watching casts of high level players fighting 1v1 duels as a way to relax before going to sleep, and ended up getting fascinated by the absolute precision with which they handled the game. But I've always been massively scared to play strategy games against human opponents, in case it ruins the illusion that I might be good at them. I've played the odd bit of Overwatch in recent years, but mostly as a way to hang out with pals, and I quite enjoy the complete anonymity of ranked hearthstone, even though I'm guff at it. I've never particularly been one for competitive multiplayer games.

Age of empires 2 tier list